he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
