hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
