i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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