Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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