Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
