how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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