I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
