Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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