I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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