u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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