So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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