I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize