why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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