Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
