Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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