Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
