Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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