Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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