She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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