I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
