There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
