eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
