Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
