i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
