he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
