i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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