I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
