Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
