I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
