I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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