This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
tell me about the eggs
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