Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I understand Curling. That high.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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