I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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