Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
