i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm both gender and math confused
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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