when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize