I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
