well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
