Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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