you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
