Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
