"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
