nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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