It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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