I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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