Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
