not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
