Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
