OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize