My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
