how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
