Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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