Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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