Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
