super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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