the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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