I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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