Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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