Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
