I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
