I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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