A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tell her she can't have a vagina
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
