I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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