clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
