Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
