i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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