I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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