Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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