Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
