is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
