Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
