He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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